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Ok in all seriousness, yes it is a rom-com anime. Okay, okay real gigachads don't indulge in that type of touchy, feely bullshit. Yeah okay I understand, I thought like that for some time as well, I really avoided these sorts of more high-school-esque animes but one day an extremely bored Jimmy finally folded. I decided to watch Oregairu... And I have to say, I wasn't disappointed.

I've dabbled more into the romance genre since watching Oregairu but I still think Oregairu is one of the best romance animes that I've watched and I think it's the dedication to the characters that sets in part from others, it's also, perhaps more importantly, one of the few works of media - not just in the realm of anime or manga - that portrays apathy so well. There are still cheesy elements associated with rom-coms but they are far from the focus of the writing and also far from the really cringe-worthy depictions.

Hikigaya Hachiman, the protagonist of Oregairu, is introduced to us as a cynical, prideful and unsociable outcast (stop smirking, I can feel you smirking already as I'm writing this shut the fuck up). He's a character that has been through years of bullying, rejection, and other forms of emotional trauma which caused him to live in a very solitary manner. Despite his apparent loneliness, he's quite an observant, analytical and introspective person he understands social dynamics and his ability to read between the lines and discern people's true intentions is second to none. But it is this overly analytical framework is exactly what causes him to push people away, his constant analysis and scrutiny of others make him naturally suspicious. Since he's so often right when he reads between the lines he struggles to communicate with when there are no lines to read between so ends up having no real genuine relationships with people. He's a man that always knows what what other people are thinking but not necessarily what they are feeling.

The human heart. The last remaining answer - the one you can't calculate - that's human emotion.

His internal monologue after pushing away and upsetting Yui exemplifies his cynical behaviour:

I hate nice girls. If they so much as say hello, it stays on my mind. If they return my texts, my heart races. The day one calls me, I know I'll look at my call history and grin. But I know in my heart it is just them being nice. People who are nice to me are also nice to everyone else. I almost end up forgetting that. If the truth is cruel, then lies must be kind. That's why kindness is a lie. That's why I'll always hate nice girls.

Hachiman is not a man that is void of emotions or ignorant of his feelings, he is very much aware of how he feels but actively chooses to repress these feelings because he believes they are illusory and that getting close to people and showing weakness is not who he is. He has chosen his identity early on in the show - that of an unsociable, cynical loner - and constantly seeks confirmation to fuel his cynical views of the world. The identity we construct for ourselves is often the hardest thing to change because changing it means admitting that our beliefs were misguided, something even harder for a prideful man such as Hachiman.

But no one, not even Hachiman, can truly survive alone forever. Humans are social creatures we are condemned, to an extent by nature to socialise. No matter how much Hachiman tries to convince himself that he is a bear, or that he is somehow above his biology, the ultimate realisation Hachiman begins to accept is that being together is what makes us human. When he inevitably hurts the people that care for him he suddenly feels great remorse and wants to actively go about setting things right. He realises that:

"Everyone has something they hold dear, something they never want to lose. And that's why they lie. But. The biggest liar of all was me."

He suddenly realises that his personal identity is directly at odds with the person he wants to be but he doesn't necessarily want to admit that to himself. He tries to rationalize to himself that he wants his connections for the sake of his sister but after Yukino tells him to return to his old self. He realises that he doesn't want to live that way anymore.

His mentor Hiratsuka forces Hachiman to confront the man he believes himself to be and the man the thinks he should be. As the show progresses he is forced to explore why he is the way, why he wants the things he wants and why he is ultimately restraining himself from getting what he wants.

I probably wouldn't accept anything anyone said at face value. I'd fall back into my habit of reading between the lines and thinking they had ulterior motives. Or selfish reasons for telling me

When he observed relationships in the past he thought everyone acted in self-interest and that they lie for the sake of their own agenda. He mistakenly thought all relationships he observed were superficial, that lies and deceit he was so accustomed to seeing applied to all relationships. He has something he holds dear to him but he is not willing to lie to preserve it. He knows being authentic means to be vulnerable, Hachiman knows better than anybody that when people show their humanity and be their true selves, their reward is social death. Show them you care and they'll walk right over you. But even Hachiman in the right circumstances says fuck it.

Yeah, I’m being stupid. I know that it’s out of the question. I know how this will end. I’ll be left with nothing. Even so, I want us to think, writhe, struggle… and find… something genuine.

Hikigaya is a character that is loved by many because he is written in such a way that makes him feel real to an audience. His struggles, his internal monologue, his conflicting ideals are all explored with immense detail. He doesn't go from zero to hero in one day, his journey out of loneliness was filled with sleepless nights, self-doubt and denial. Hikigaya is not a one-man army he believes himself to be at the start because it is ultimately the people that surround him that change him for the better.

Don't be fooled by a mans outward appearance as there is often more that he's hiding underneath. People that deserve connection the least are the ones that need it the most.

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